What It Means to Be Self-Partnered

All around the world, there is an overwhelming pressure for women in their late 20s to early 30s to settle down, get married, and start their own families. In the Philippines, women in their mid-20s are used to getting asked by titas during family gatherings “o hija, wala ka pang boyfriend? Matanda ka na! Dapat ikasal ka na!”

Women are fighting back against this notion that falling in love and starting a family is the only way to find happiness. Thanks to Harry Potter alumna Emma Watson, there has been a strong rise in single positivity, especially among women.

In an interview with prestigious fashion magazine Vogue, Watson said "If you have not built a home, if you do not have a husband, if you do not have a baby, and you are turning 30, and you're not in some incredibly secure, stable place in your career, or you're still figuring things out… There's just this incredible amount of anxiety.”

She adds, however, that she is “very happy” to be single. “I call it being self-partnered.”

Self-Partnered Defined

So, what does self-partnered mean? Self-partnered means you’re treating yourself just like you would a person you were dating. This means being more nurturing, caring, and understanding towards yourself. Self-partnering can also include taking oneself out on “dates,” if you will. You can spoil yourself with good meals at great restaurants, tickets to a play or show you’ve always wanted to see, or a trip to a place you’ve never been. Self-partnering is all about putting an effort to treat ourselves better, the way we normally would with someone we’re in a romantic relationship with.

Self-partnering often leads to self-discovery, a beautiful outcome of this process. You learn more about what you like, what you don’t like, your goals, what you want to achieve, and what your non-negotiables are.

When you practice self-partnering, you also learn the meaning of forgiveness. You look out for yourself and your needs first and learn how to forgive yourself whenever you make mistakes. Being a good self-partner is all about being gentle with yourself and loving yourself as best as you can.

Why Is Self-Partnering Important?

There are some people who are scared of being alone. The idea of eating by themselves, watching a movie, or even spending extending periods of time without a romantic partner seems somewhat frightening to them. But if you’re single and you aren’t content with your own company, then how do you know what you truly want in a relationship? How sure are you that you know yourself inside and out?

While there’s nothing wrong with craving intimacy and connection, it’s human nature, after all, remember the value and beauty of solitude as well. Know the difference between a partner adding to your life versus a partner completing your life. Always remember, YOU are complete on your own.